There was a bouncer called Harry.
He worked in the best clubs and he loved his job.

But Harry kept getting in trouble for being too confrontational and violent. Eventually, he got fired.

He got another job, but got fired from that too – for getting into fights.

Now Harry has a job he does not like at all. He installs cables underground, and he does it six days a week.

——

Harry has to go to court because charges have been filed against him for his angry, violent confrontations.

Harry came to me for counseling before his court appearance. He said,

“I ‘ve been there before – three times. I get to the courtroom, and then I find out they postponed the hearing.

And if they pull any of that this time, I don’t care, I’ll jump right over the gate and give the judge a piece of my mind and let him know what I think about this shit.”

I said, “Wow, you come to me for counseling, but really I am the one who needs to be learning from you.”

“WTF do you mean?” he asked.

“I mean, I would sit and learn from you because you know much more about kindness and putting other people first than I ever will.”

Harry looked baffled and said, “What are you talking about?”

“If I was called in front of the judge, I would just say, ‘Yes, sir, your honor, sir,’ and do everything I could to keep myself protected, to avoid living in a cage, but you are up there willing to sacrifice your own self, put your own mind and body in all kinds of jeopardy in order to teach the judge a lesson.

I wouldn’t sacrifice that much even for someone for whom I have a lot of affection. I see you sacrificing everything for someone you don’t even like, and I have great respect for you for doing that.”

Harry said, “Well, now I don’t think I will.”

——

This story tells us a lot about anger, and a lot about how effectively stories side step the rational, thinking mind.

If a tries to gently explain to an angry client that their plans are a bad idea, or that their perspective is incorrect, the client will likely to go into attack or defence mode.

Taking the action, or maintaining their view of the world, becomes a matter of personal pride, and that means stuckness will increase.


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The scenic route will be more effective than the direct version.

Post inspired by the work of Dr. Jon Connelly. Angry Harry is featured in the Rapid Resolution Therapy (The Institute for Rapid Resolution Therapy, Inc. ) facilitator’s training manual.
#anger
#selfcontrol #selfdevelopment #metaphors